Seek Feedback from Your Partner or Co-Parent on Your Parenting Approach

Ever feel like you’re starring in a reality show called ‘Am I Doing This Right?’ and your co-parent is the only other contestant? Welcome to the feedback loop, where you ask, ‘Hey, how am I doing?’ and brace for the answer (or, you know, just a knowing look). If you’ve ever wanted to improve your parenting game without turning it into a competitive sport or performance review, this is for you. Spoiler: No one gets voted off the island—unless you forget to wipe the baby’s nose… again.

Open, honest feedback builds trust and emotional safety between partners, which kids pick up on like tiny emotional sponges. For you, it reduces the mental load—no more second-guessing every decision. For your child, seeing teamwork and communication in action strengthens their own sense of security and models healthy conflict resolution. Bonus: your brain gets a little dopamine hit every time you nail it (or even just survive it together).

How to do it

  1. Choose a low-stress moment to start the conversation. Avoid bringing this up during a heated situation or mid-tantrum, unless you’re feeling adventurous.

  2. Ask for specific feedback. For example, say, “How did I do with bedtime?” rather than a broad question like, “Am I a good parent?” This helps keep the conversation focused and constructive.

  3. Listen to your partner’s feedback without interrupting or getting defensive. This can be challenging, but it’s important to hear their perspective fully.

  4. Thank your partner for their honesty. Consider swapping roles so everyone gets a chance to share and receive feedback.

  5. Together, agree on one small thing to try differently next time. Aim for something manageable—and ideally, something that doesn’t involve glitter.

Tips:

  • Choose a calm time for these conversations.
  • Be as specific as possible when asking for feedback.
  • Practice active listening—acknowledge what your partner says before responding.
  • Keep the changes small and realistic.
  • Express appreciation for your partner’s input.

After the kids are finally asleep (or pretending to be).

Ask your partner, ‘Anything I could do differently tomorrow?’
Exchange a high-five or do a dramatic, Oscar-worthy bow for surviving another day.
Agree with your partner on a non-judgmental code word for feedback time (e.g., 'Parenting Huddle!').

When you’re cleaning up after a meal together.

Share one thing you appreciated about your partner’s parenting today, then ask for one thing you could tweak.
Share a quick inside joke or do a silly dance move.
Put a sticky note on the fridge that says ‘Feedback = Teamwork’ as a gentle reminder.

During your nightly wind-down routine (e.g., when brushing teeth together).

Ask, ‘What worked well for us as a team today?’
Give each other a fist bump or simply sigh in mutual relief.
Set a recurring calendar reminder titled ‘Parenting Debrief’ (bonus points for emojis).