Reflect Regularly on Your Fathering Values and How Your Actions Align with Them

Ever find yourself mid-diaper change, wondering if this is what 'being a good dad' is supposed to look like? Welcome to the existential dad spiral—now with extra spit-up! If you've ever questioned whether you're nailing this whole fatherhood thing or just winging it (spoiler: we all are), this is your permission slip to pause, laugh, and check in with your inner 'dad compass.'

Regular self-reflection boosts self-awareness and emotional regulation, which helps you respond (not just react) to your kids. For kids, seeing a parent who models self-examination and growth builds trust and teaches emotional intelligence. Your brain loves a good check-in: it helps create new neural pathways for empathy, patience, and all those other super-dad powers.

How to do it

  1. Find a relatively quiet moment—this could even be in the bathroom if that's the only place you get a break.

  2. Ask yourself: What kind of dad do I want to be?

  3. Reflect on one thing you did today. Did that action align with the kind of dad you want to be?

  4. If it didn’t, don’t beat yourself up. Just make a mental note to try differently next time.

  5. As a bonus, jot down either a win (something you did well) or a wish (something you’d like to improve). You can do this on your phone, in a notebook, or even on the back of a receipt.

Repeat this process whenever you remember—ideally, more often than you change your socks.

Tips:

  • Be honest with yourself, but stay kind.
  • Small, regular reflections can add up to big changes.
  • There’s no perfect dad—progress matters more than perfection.

Every time you brush your teeth at night.

Ask yourself, 'Did I show up as the dad I want to be today?'
Give yourself a wink in the mirror (bonus points for finger guns).
Stick a post-it note with a doodle of your kid on your bathroom mirror.

When the reminder pops up after the kids are in bed.

Think of one thing you did that matches your fathering values.
Text your partner or a friend a celebratory emoji.
Set a daily reminder on your phone with a dad-joke as the title.

When you first sit down with your morning coffee.

Write one sentence about how you want to show up as a dad today.
Take a big, satisfied sip of coffee like a wise philosopher.
Create a 'dad journal' (fancy notebook or app—your call).