Build Their Self-Esteem

Is your kid’s latest 'art project' mostly glue and hope? Or did they just try tying their shoes for the 47th time with the enthusiasm of a caffeinated squirrel? This one’s for you. We’re talking about cheering on the effort, not just the trophy moments—because sometimes surviving the journey (and the mess) is the real win. Let’s get real about praise that doesn’t sound like a bad Oscar speech.

When kids hear real praise for their effort, their brains light up like a toddler at a bubble machine. It helps wire them for resilience, growth mindset, and self-worth that isn’t tied to gold stars. For you? It’s a shortcut to a stronger bond and a kid who’s not afraid to try, fail, and try again—aka, the secret sauce of life.

How to do it

Step 1: Notice when your child is working hard, even if the result isn’t perfect. Pay attention to their effort, persistence, or creative problem-solving, regardless of the outcome.

Step 2: Name the effort or character trait you observe. For example, say, “Wow, you kept going even when it got tough!” This helps your child recognize and value their own perseverance or determination.

Step 3: Skip the generic “good job.” Instead, be specific and genuine with your praise. Point out exactly what they did well, such as, “I noticed how carefully you colored inside the lines,” or “You really tried different ways to solve that puzzle.”

Step 4: Repeat this process, especially when nobody else is watching. Consistent, meaningful feedback helps build your child’s confidence and intrinsic motivation.

Step 5: Resist the urge to fix everything. Sometimes, the best praise is letting your child own their process (and their mess). Allow them to experience both success and mistakes, so they can learn and grow independently.

Tips:

  • Focus on effort, not just results.
  • Use specific language to highlight what you noticed.
  • Encourage independence by stepping back when appropriate.
  • Be consistent with your feedback, even for small achievements.
  • Remember, genuine praise helps build resilience and self-esteem.

When you see your child trying something new or struggling with a task.

Say out loud one specific thing you noticed about their effort ('I saw how you kept trying even when it was hard!').
Give yourself a mental high-five or do a tiny fist pump. If your kid smiles, count that as a bonus round.
Make a sticky note list of effort-based praise phrases and stick it on the fridge.

Right after your child finishes any activity (homework, chores, building a pillow fort).

Offer a quick, genuine comment about their persistence or attitude.
Whisper, 'nailed it,' to yourself or imagine confetti falling from the ceiling.
Set a daily phone reminder titled 'Catch the Effort, Not Just the Win.'

During bedtime or dinner, when you’re recapping the day.

Share one note from the jar with your child.
Smile and let yourself feel like a parenting ninja for a split second.
Create a 'praise jar'—a jar where you drop notes about moments your child showed effort or kindness.