Praise Your Child's Effort, Strategies, and Progress (Process Praise) More Than Innate Talent

Ever caught yourself saying, 'Wow, you’re so smart!' only to realize your kid’s now terrified of trying anything remotely difficult? Welcome to the club! If you want less 'I’m a genius!' and more 'I’m a gritty, resilient, unstoppable block-stacker,' it’s time to swap your praise game. Let’s celebrate sweat and strategy, not just sparkly brain cells.

When you praise effort and strategies, you’re basically giving your kid’s brain a growth mindset smoothie—extra neural sprinkles included. It teaches them that skills are built, not born, so they’re more likely to tackle challenges instead of melting into a puddle of 'I can’t.' Bonus: parents feel less pressure to raise the next Einstein and more joy in watching their kid become a try-hard champion.

How to do it

First, catch yourself before you blurt out "you’re so smart!" (It’s okay, we’ve all done it).

Instead, try these steps:

  1. Pause and think before responding.
  2. Focus on what the person did, not just the outcome.
  3. Give specific feedback, such as:
    • "I noticed how you kept trying different ways to solve that puzzle!"
    • "You didn’t give up, even when it got tough."
  4. Emphasize the process—effort, strategies, and progress—rather than the end result or the idea of natural talent.

If you slip up and give generic praise, don’t worry. Just try again next time (see what we did there?).

Key Tips:

  • Be specific with your feedback.
  • Highlight effort and perseverance.
  • Encourage trying new strategies.
  • Remember, it’s about growth, not perfection.

When your child finishes any task (from tying shoes to surviving broccoli), notice the moment.

Say one sentence describing something they did to work toward the goal (e.g., 'I saw you kept trying different ways to tie your shoes!').
Give a quick fist bump, silly dance, or just whisper, 'Parenting level up!' to yourself.
Write a sticky note with 'Praise the TRY, not just the WIN' and stick it on the fridge or your phone.

When your child gets frustrated or almost gives up on something.

Acknowledge their persistence or strategy, even if they didn’t succeed ('You didn’t give up, and that’s awesome!').
Smile, take a deep breath, and mentally high-five your inner coach.
Make a list of effort-focused phrases (like 'You worked hard on that!' or 'You tried a new way!') and keep it handy.

After your child finishes a challenging activity, big or small.

Do the 'effort cheer' together and name one thing they tried.
Laugh together, or give yourself a gold star in your imaginary parenting sticker chart.
Teach your child a silly 'effort cheer' you can do together (think jazz hands or a goofy chant).