Cultivate Self-Compassion

Ever catch yourself berating your parenting skills while simultaneously giving your best friend a pep talk for the same thing? Yeah, me too. Self-compassion is basically learning to be your own hype squad—minus the pom-poms, unless you’re into that. If you’re tired of treating yourself like the family punching bag, this one’s for you. Spoiler: You deserve a break, and maybe a cookie.

Practicing self-compassion actually rewires your brain to be less reactive to stress (hello, calmer mornings) and builds emotional resilience—meaning you bounce back faster after parenting fails. For kids, seeing you treat yourself kindly teaches them it’s okay to be imperfect, which boosts their own self-esteem and emotional intelligence. Basically, everyone gets a little less twitchy and a lot more chill.

How to do it

  1. Notice when you’re spiraling into self-blame. This often happens right after something challenging or unexpected occurs.

  2. Pause for a moment. Ask yourself, “What would I say to a friend in this situation?”

  3. Say those supportive words to yourself. If you’re feeling brave, say them out loud.

  4. Take a deep breath, smile, and remind yourself that you’re not auditioning for Parent of the Year—unless there’s a cash prize, in which case, feel free to carry on.

Key Tips:

  • Self-awareness is the first step to breaking the cycle of self-blame.
  • Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend.
  • Speaking supportive words out loud can make them feel more real.
  • Remember, perfection isn’t the goal—self-compassion is.

Every time you brush your teeth in the morning.

Read the note and say one nice thing to yourself.
Give yourself a wink or a silly grin in the mirror—bonus points for jazz hands.
Stick a post-it note with a kind message (like ‘You got this!’) on your bathroom mirror.

When your phone reminder goes off.

Take one deep breath and think of something you did well today, even if it’s ‘kept everyone alive.’
Do a tiny fist pump or whisper ‘nailed it’ under your breath.
Set a daily phone reminder labeled ‘Be your own friend’ at a low-stress time.

Every time you unlock your phone after a tough parenting moment.

Look at the photo and let yourself laugh or smile, even just a little.
Say ‘I’m doing my best’—and let the photo be your backup hype squad.
Save a favorite meme or funny photo of your kid as your phone lock screen.