Don't Use Food as a Reward or Punishment

So, your kid just colored the wall with marinara sauce and you’re tempted to bribe them with a cookie to stop the chaos—or maybe you’re threatening to withhold dessert until they eat three more peas. Sound familiar? Welcome to the food-as-currency Olympics, where everyone loses (except maybe the dog). If you’ve ever caught yourself negotiating with a three-year-old like you’re at a hostage situation, this one’s for you.

Using food as a reward or punishment can mess with a kid’s relationship to eating, making them crave sweets more or dread veggies even harder. Research shows this can lead to emotional eating, picky habits, or even anxiety around meals. For parents, letting go of food as a bargaining chip lowers stress and helps everyone focus on real feelings, not just what’s for dessert.

How to do it

First, take a breath before you reach for the cookie jar or threaten to withhold ice cream.

Try using praise, hugs, or a silly dance as rewards instead. Set clear, non-food boundaries—like extra storytime or a sticker chart.

If you slip up (because, hello, we’re all human), just acknowledge it and try again at the next meltdown.

Remember: food is for fueling bodies, not for power struggles.

Key Tips:

  • Pause and breathe before reacting.
  • Use non-food rewards such as:
    • Praise
    • Hugs
    • Silly dances
    • Extra storytime
    • Sticker charts
  • If you make a mistake, acknowledge it and move forward.
  • Keep in mind that food should not be used as a tool for discipline or negotiation.

When your child finishes a meal or completes a task.

Offer a high-five or verbal praise instead of a treat.
Do a silly victory dance together or say, 'We did it!'
Make a list of non-food rewards your child loves (stickers, silly dances, extra bedtime story).

When you feel the urge to offer a treat as a reward or threaten to take one away.

Pause, take a deep breath, and choose a non-food response.
Give yourself an internal fist bump (or sneak a square of chocolate for yourself—no judgment).
Put a sticky note on the fridge that says, 'Food = Fuel, Not Bribery.'

When your child does something praiseworthy.

Let your child pick a slip from the jar instead of reaching for a snack.
Enjoy the activity together and say, 'This is more fun than cookies!'
Create a 'special time jar' with slips of simple, fun activities (like a 2-minute dance party).