Practice Forgiveness (Towards Them and Yourself)

Ever snapped at your kid for painting the dog (again), only to immediately regret it and spiral into the 'world’s worst parent' vortex? Welcome to the forgiveness rodeo—where you hand out pardons like snacks, and occasionally, you’re the one who needs the biggest slice. If you’ve ever wished for a CTRL+Z button for your parenting fails, this one’s for you.

Forgiveness helps both you and your kiddo trade shame for connection. When you forgive (them or yourself), you’re dialing down everyone’s stress hormones and teaching your child how to bounce back from mistakes—hello, emotional resilience! Research shows that forgiving parents have lower anxiety and kids who feel safer to try, fail, and try again. Brains love this stuff: it literally builds stronger, more flexible neural pathways for empathy and self-regulation.

How to do it

First, take a deep breath—or three. Notice what happened, focusing on the facts without sugarcoating or judgment.

Say out loud, “That was tough, but I forgive you,” or, “I forgive myself for yelling.” If an apology is needed, keep it short and sincere, avoiding any guilt trips or lingering negativity.

Next, do something small and kind for yourself or your child. This could be a hug, a silly dance, or simply moving on with your day.

Remember:

  • Forgiveness is a muscle that gets stronger with use.
  • You’ll get plenty of opportunities to practice.
  • Small, sincere actions matter more than perfect words.

Rinse and repeat as needed.

When you catch yourself feeling guilty or annoyed after a parenting oops moment.

Say quietly, 'I forgive you,' or 'I forgive myself,' right in that moment.
Give yourself a small fist pump or whisper, 'progress, not perfection!'
Write ‘forgiveness is allowed here’ on a sticky note and slap it somewhere you’ll see it during chaos (fridge, bathroom mirror, inside the snack cabinet).

After any family member makes a mistake (spills, yells, forgets something).

Do the forgiveness gesture together, no lecture required.
Share a goofy smile or make a funny sound effect together.
Teach your child a silly forgiveness gesture (like a pinky shake or a high five) for when someone messes up.

When the reminder goes off.

Recall one thing you’re forgiving yourself or your child for today.
Take a deep breath and picture tossing that mistake into an imaginary trash can.
Set a daily phone reminder titled, 'Forgive + Reset?' at a time when you often feel frazzled (bedtime, post-dinner, etc).