Be a 'Safe Harbor'

Ever feel like you’re running an emotional lost-and-found desk? Welcome to Safe Harbor Parenting, where you’re the lighthouse, the coast guard, and sometimes the snack bar for every storm your kid sails into. If you’ve ever been stumped by a teary ‘Can I tell you something?’ at 9:58pm, this one’s for you. Spoiler: You don’t need to have all the answers—just a decent listening face and, occasionally, a spare cookie.

When kids know they can come to you, their brains light up with trust and safety chemicals (hello, oxytocin!). This makes them more resilient, less anxious, and better at handling stress. For parents, it’s a backstage pass to your child’s inner world, strengthening your bond and giving you a shot at actually knowing what’s going on before the school calls.

How to do it

  1. React as if you’re hearing the world’s most important news—even if the topic is as small as a pencil. Show genuine interest.

  2. Put down your phone, or at least make it clear you’re paying attention. Your body language matters.

  3. Ask gentle questions to show you care, but avoid turning the conversation into an interrogation.

  4. Validate their feelings with simple, supportive phrases like:

    • “That sounds tough.”
    • “Wow, I’d be upset too.”

  5. Resist the urge to immediately fix everything. Sometimes, a response like “That stinks, want a hug?” is all that’s needed.

  6. Remember: The less shocked or judgmental you appear, the more likely they’ll feel comfortable coming back to you in the future.

Key Tips:

  • Show genuine interest, no matter the topic.
  • Give your full attention—phones away.
  • Use gentle, open-ended questions.
  • Offer validation, not solutions (unless asked).
  • Stay calm and nonjudgmental to encourage future conversations.

When you see your child after school or daycare pickup.

Ask, ‘Anything on your mind today?’ and actually pause to listen.
Give yourself a mental high-five or do a discreet victory dance in the hallway.
Set a recurring calendar reminder labeled 'Safe Harbor Check-In' to nudge yourself daily.

Right before bedtime routine starts.

Invite your child to share one thing from the jar or just talk about their day.
Share a silly bedtime handshake or secret code word together.
Create a 'worry jar' with your child where they can drop notes about anything bugging them.

When you’re both grabbing a snack or drink in the kitchen.

Point to the note and say, ‘Remember, I’m always here if you need to talk.’
Treat yourself to an extra cookie (or at least a deep, proud parent sigh).
Print and stick a 'You Can Always Tell Me' note on the fridge.